Breakups are difficult to deal with. Whether you wanted to break up or not, the feelings will still be there, and sometimes affect other areas of your life. It’s especially hard to move on in general, and knowing that your ex has wants to get back together can add a major wrench into the wheel of your life.
Regardless of who instilled the initial anger, it is crucial what you do next.
First off, no matter how bad the arguments were or how prototypical the breakup seems to have been in the ex’s mind, getting back together is the wrong decision. No matter what the original disagreement was, the quarrel eventually got hot and heavy and then dissipated. The relationship is unlikely to end the same, and neither situation will cause a rerun of the events that led to the initial breakup.
It is especially tough on an ex trying to make a choice between a lifetime of rejection and the luxury ofUTHOMETICALLYgetting back together with a person that has been rejected for her.
After a breakup, it is common for people to feel lonely, which can cause a vicious cycle of seeking potential fillers until they find someone. It’s usually something along the lines of “getting back together to feel better than I was before.” It’s natural, but it’s not a good idea.
When a breakup occurs, the reason for it is normally over something relatively petty. The break ups that many people have are petty at worst. The relationships that many people plan, on the other hand, are petty by design. You want someone you can enjoy being with to do trivial things that do not involve a future. petty relationships generally begin by people trying to prove themselves to be the “better guy/girl” in an attempt to win another person over. Usually, this is a fairly petty fight and only grows more petty as the relationship continues.
If, after tearing one another apart, the relationship continues and someone approaches the other half to make a formal coming back to the relationship, it’s time for a tough conversation. If the person approaches and there is hope for a future, bring it up but only after a discussion of a few weeks. Even then, the other person should be prepared for whatever the decision may be. If there is no hope for a future, no amount of sweet talk or promises will change the decision. To craft a worthwhile coming back, the honest one must turn the tables and make him/her be the one to try to get the other back. If the honest one comes back again and this time the other person gives in, the honest one should tell him/her it was great to have met him / her.
Coming back to the decision of whether to try to have a future with an ex, it is a good idea to not look to solely use your friendship to try and teach the ex how to love again. True friendships involve teaching and providing support to someone and that can be required if the relationship doesn’t work out. It is best to keep the two children in the relationship and especially the ex. While you do have the right to have a life with the ex, it is important to keep your children happy. The children should not have to come first regardless of how good your relationship was, but equally important is that the ex and the children be kepthappyand healthy. How would you feel if the ex was treated with care and concern, but your children were not?
If there is no future with the ex and all other indications are good that the relationship will not work out, you must be honest with the children. It is the only way children will learn their lessons and notrain negatively from their parent relationship. Ultimately, you do love the ex and it is hard to agree with the children that their happiness and every other factor are more important to you than is the ex. But, if you must be honest, lay all your cards on the table before turning them away.
If your ex is a teacher or a doctor, a boss or an attorney, perhaps he/she is great for the first several dates but how well do you know your ex for certain? Perhaps you could test your new partner to see what he/she thinks, or feel favorably toward, as an insurance policy. Letting your children meet your new partner is crucial, because your children never want to see their father or mother relationship out of context for too long. But what to talk about is another matter and one of the keys to a great relationship is being honest and direct with your children, as they are most likely the most placed on the line if there is a breakup.
What is a good time frame if you must be honest with your children? When does it really help to be honest and how long does it generally take before the truth becomes widely known? If it must be told, what are